Are You a Victim of Your Circumstance or an Inspiration to Your Story?

It’s a bold question, I know.

I posted it on Instagram and got mixed replies. Some people felt empowered. Others, a little triggered.

But here’s the truth—if that question makes you uncomfortable, maybe it’s time to lean into it. Not because I want you to feel bad, but because I want you to see just how much power you have to shape your life… starting with your mindset.

Let Me Take You Back…

I was 14 years old, standing in the middle of our trailer. The walls were dark, fake-wood paneled. The kind of material that felt cold and damp even in summer. The doors weren’t attached to hinges. You had to pick them up—literally lift the door—to block a doorway for some sliver of privacy. There were holes in the floor you had to step over like landmines. Not one piece of furniture matched. We didn’t have a washer. Or a dryer. Or even a telephone.

You get used to a certain level of chaos when you grow up in dysfunction. But that morning—I remember it like it just happened—I looked around and thought, This is ridiculous.

I was getting ready for school. I had brushed my teeth with baking soda because there was no toothpaste again. My stepdad sat in his recliner, rolling a few joints for the day while my mom packed his lunchbox—six beers and a sandwich. She kissed him goodbye like this was all perfectly normal. And in their world, it was.

But not in mine.

Even at 14, I knew this wasn’t how I wanted to live. I made a silent promise to myself that morning: As soon as I have control over my life, I will never live this way again.

It Would’ve Been Easy to Blame the World

It would’ve been easy to say,“This is the hand I was dealt.”“This is just how I grew up.”“No one in my family has ever done better.”

But something in me was paying attention. I watched how my friends lived. How their parents came home from work sober. How they ate dinner at a table and talked to each other. How there was laughter—not yelling—in the background. That’s what I wanted.

So I created structure where there was none. My mom never cam into my room in the morning with a loving voice to wake me up for school with a warm breakfast on the table. I set my own alarm every morning. Got myself up for school. I ate whatever was edible that we had in the house, walked to the bus stop. Came home the same way. I went to school every day. I wasn’t a straight-A student, but I passed. I did what I had to do to stay afloat.

At 15, I got a job just so I didn’t have to rely on anyone. I wanted shampoo. Toothpaste. Tampons. My own pack of toilet paper. Because the truth is… we didn’t always have those things. There were countless times I used fast food napkins to wipe myself. To this day, I still joke and call them “trailer park toilet paper.” Bar soap for shampoo. No deodorant. No conditioner and also no guidance on any of it. I had to figure the hygiene thing on my own.

And yet…

Out of six kids between my stepdad and stepmom’s blended families—I was the only one to graduate. The only one to walk that stage and have a trade school lined up to pursue something more. I was determined to be the exception.

Enter: Mrs. Nave…..That one Teacher

In high school, I chose cosmetology as my elective—and it changed my life.That’s where I met Mrs. Nave.

She was in her 30s, had no kids, and owned her own salon. I thought she was the coolest. We connected immediately. I started telling her bits and pieces about my home life. Nothing dramatic at first, but enough for her to see the cracks I was patching together just to show up every day.

I had her class for three years, and by senior year, life was a whirlwind. My mom was on house arrest for buying drugs from a undercover police officer, I had to get out of there. The evenings at home were getting worse. The fighting and violence. Falling asleep with headphones in so I didn’t have to hear the same fight night after night. It was mid-year, I had moved into an apartment with a roommate at 18. I worked third shift at a hosiery mill—11 PM to 7 AM. After work, I’d go home, shower, and head straight to school. I had Mrs. Nave’s class first period, and she always greeted me with warmth in her voice, even when I looked like a zombie. Some morning she would let me sleep across the dryer chairs if we were in the shop and I didn’t have a specific assignment.

She saw my hustle. She saw how hard I was trying. And so I could get the best out of my senior year, she and the auto mechanics teacher bought my prom dress so I could save for a car. After graduation, she also set me up and paid for me to finish cosmetology school. She told me she saw something in me, and she didn’t want me to lose it. That act of kindness altered the course of my entire life.

To this day, 26 years later, we still keep in touch. We meet up when I visit home. She’s still one of the people who helped shape me when I didn’t yet know who I was becoming.

I'm sharing all of these stories because, with all the speed bumps and roadblocks I’ve faced, it would’ve been easy to stay stuck in a mindset that kept me small. I could’ve used my upbringing as an excuse every time I failed, let it justify giving up, or even used it to gain pity and drain the energy of the people who cared about me. But I chose a different perspective. My past became the fuel that pushed me to do better. It taught me resilience and how to be resourceful—and that’s what builds true confidence. Now, getting uncomfortable excites me, because I know growth is waiting on the other side.

Growth Mindset vs. Limited Mindset

Let’s break this down:

Growth mindset is the belief that your abilities, intelligence, and outcomes can grow with effort, learning, and persistence.

Limited mindset (also called fixed mindset) believes you are who you are, and nothing you do will really change that. It says:“Why try? I’ll fail anyway.”“That’s just how I am.”“People like me don’t get far.”

The difference between success and stagnation starts here—in your thoughts.

Reflect on This:

When things go wrong, do you get curious… or do you shut down?
When someone succeeds, do you feel inspired or insecure?
Do you talk yourself out of trying before you even begin?
Do you say things like “With my luck…” or “Just my luck…”?
Are you playing small because it feels safer to expect disappointment?

If any of those questions hit a nerve, good. That’s your soul calling for more.

You Are Not Stuck

You are not broken.You are not your past.You are not too late or too damaged or too behind.

You are powerful.

If a girl who used napkins for toilet paper and brushed her teeth with baking soda can rise above dysfunction, open her own salon, retire from it, and start a coaching practice to help others heal—then what’s your excuse?

You can choose today to stop surviving and start creating.

Stop shrinking and start expanding.

Stop blaming and start building.

Here's How to Shift:

Catch the thought. “I can’t do this.”
→ Try: “I don’t know how yet, but I can learn.”
Ask better questions. “Why me?”
→ Try: “What is this teaching me?”
Celebrate small wins. Progress over perfection.
Surround yourself with people who call you higher.
(Like Mrs. Nave did for me.)
Tell yourself a new story. One where you are the hero—not the victim.

You are not limited by your circumstances unless you choose to be.

So I’ll ask you again…Are you a victim of your circumstance or an inspiration to your story?

Your mindset will answer for you. Your actions will prove it.

Choose growth. You’re worth it.