When You’re Not Feeling It… But You Know You’re Called to More

(And What I’ve Learned About Speaking Up, Healing, and the Weight of Holding It All In)

Let’s talk about the “blah” days.

You know the ones. Where the motivation is missing. The spark is nowhere to be found. And everything—from writing a blog post to getting out of bed—feels like walking through wet cement.

I had one of those days today. But here’s the thing: I also launched my podcast yesterday.

A huge milestone. A moment I should’ve been riding high on. But instead, I felt… flat. Quiet. Almost sad.

And if I’ve learned anything on this healing journey, it’s this:

Sometimes we feel low after the big moments. Sometimes the soul needs to exhale before it can expand again.

The Podcast Was a Big Deal—But Not for the Reasons You Think

Yes, it was a technical and creative win. But more than that—it was emotional.

For over a year, I put pressure on myself to do it. I tried to talk myself out of it because it would be easier to stay quiet and not disrupt anything. That seemed to be my go-to in the past. The peacekeeper in me wanted to take the easy way at times. But I knew if I did that, I would disappoint myself because I have a lot to say.

My past story is messy. It’s layered in trauma, survival, and years of holding in what I needed to let out. I knew that by sharing it, people from my past might hear it. People who hurt me. People who might still want to twist the narrative and make me the villain in their version of the story.

But I also knew:

I’ve been silent for too long. I’ve overstuffed too many emotions, and eventually… that stuff leaks out.

Anger. Pain. Resentment. Confusion.

If this is something you can relate to, I want you to know that you cannot hold it in. 

You can’t bypass it. You can only bury it for so long before it starts showing up in your relationships, your health, your self-worth… even your scroll on Instagram. You know what I’m talking about…

We All Have Pain We Haven’t Processed Yet

Ever notice how some people are just mean online? Like, leave-a-nasty-comment-for-no-reason mean?

I catch myself reading the comments under a video, looking for the jackass that has something negative to say or the Karens that have an opinion and can do it better—and sure enough, it’s always there. Someone always has something rude to say about someone they don’t even know.

And you know what I’ve realized?

That kind of cruelty is usually pain in disguise.

People who are overflowing with unprocessed emotions don’t know how to express them. So they lash out, especially at strangers, because there really isn’t a consequence. Or they silently stew. Or they disconnect, shut down, or become bitter.

I used to do it too—not out loud, but in my mind. Judging. Comparing. Thinking the worst. And I didn’t even realize it was coming from the weight I was still carrying.

Healing Is Heavy—But So Worth It

Unpacking decades of pain isn’t a weekend project. It’s a lifestyle.

And it’s not linear.Some days you feel empowered.Other days you want to crawl back into bed and avoid your own thoughts.

That’s okay.

Because growth doesn’t just happen in the breakthroughs—it happens in the breakdowns, the quiet days, and the moments where you choose to process instead of suppress.

So What Do You Do on the “Blah” Days?

You don’t push through like nothing’s wrong.You don’t fake Inspiration. You listen to what your body and spirit are asking for.

Try this instead:

• Acknowledge where you are. Say it out loud: “Today feels heavy, and that’s okay.”

• Do one nourishing thing. A walk, a stretch, a cry, a journal entry (that's what this started off being)—just  do one thing.

• Shift your questions. Ask, “What is this trying to teach me?” instead of “What’s wrong with me?”

• Trust that it’s still growth. Even when it doesn’t look productive or exciting. There is a lesson in EVERYTHING!

And If You're Feeling Afraid to Use Your Voice?

I get it. Speaking your truth is scary, especially when your story involves the past and you are trying to navigate respect and consideration for those who love you in the present while choosing to speak my truth with integrity, even if it makes others uncomfortable with the role they played in my past.

You can be honest and respectful. You can share your story without needing permission. And you can protect your peace without abandoning your truth.

I believe everything has a purpose. Not because it’s ideal, but because it comes with wisdom, and we are meant to help others feel less alone when they are going through their healing.

For me, this is exciting and uncomfortable. I'm not comfortable being the center of attention, but I know in my bones that I’m meant to share myself with the world.

So today, even though I’m not feeling “inspired,” I’m writing this. Not because I have to, but because you might need to hear it.

You don’t have to wait until you feel ready. You don’t have to be full of energy to show up with heart. And you don’t have to carry it all alone.

Start small. Start scared. But… just start.

You’re not too much. You’re not behind. You're

just becoming.

And that’s something to be proud of. 💛